honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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