Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
