And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
