I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the day after is always just damage control
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
