My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
