You're a womanizer and a bitch.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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