dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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