when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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