Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
