Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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