Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
