Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
