Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
