I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
