i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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