I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My pussy is not your playground.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
