His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize