walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
