I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
