First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
