i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
