oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
