As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
