glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My liver just broke up with me...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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