woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
