In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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