Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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