Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
