i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
