I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
