You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
