Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
