I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
