What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
