i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
