There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I forgot how hot balto sounded
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
