it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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