She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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