I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
thus making me awesome and them whores
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
