Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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