the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
