it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
