Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
