My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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