Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
