Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
