There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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