i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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