You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
