Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize