Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
