I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
