You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
