So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
