Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
