I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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