I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
