hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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