I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
