And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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