do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
