I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize