on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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