I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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