fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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