I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
