I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
