Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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