Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
