Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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