Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I smell stomach acid.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
