I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
