She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
