shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
