so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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