you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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