brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
