dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
