I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
