FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
