cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
