I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
