Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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