Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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